File Room
by tweedledim
Summary: This is my interpretation of what was going on in Mike's head in the file room scene with Rachel at the end of season 2. I'd say it's T with really tiny bits of M


This is the scene at the file room in the season 2 finale of Suits between Mike & Rachel. It's from Mike's POV, though if this gets enough reads or reviews I'll do one from Rachel's POV. Hope you'll like it

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_**File Room**_

The air in the file room was thick, it wasn't the lack of air which bothered him, it was like having a rope around his neck, everything that was holding him was just a trap door that would open at anytime. Mike felt as if he was suffocating, like all his lies were piling up and finally falling like a Jenga tower about to topple, he knew it would eventually come to bite him in the ass but he just wished it had last a bit more.

Absorbed in looking at some random object, lost in thoughts, he becomes surprised when he hears the door open.

He turns to see it's Rachel, who's there, walking in her nude heels towards him with an angry march. She locks the door. Mike knows this is gonna be bad, he's not ready to have yet another fight, yet another problem with the one person he's in kind of good terms right now

She reaches him and he tries not to notice she's there, shifting some boxes, thinking that maybe if he ignores the problem will just disappear, though the sad reality which he knows is that problems don't just go away if you try to ignore them, he had just learnt that kessin when his grammy died, even worse they get bigger until they're a huge snowball that you can't stop.

"When did you send that letter?" She says with an angry voice, he knows she's upset, his knowledge of her has reached those levels where you can just notice the attitude of that person just by the tone of their voice.

He knows he can't ignore her, she'll just get more upset but that doesn't mean he can't evade her with more questions, rattle her until she forgets what they're discussing in the first place. He knows it's stupid to even think he can rattle Rachel, she is like him, she is not easily distraught.

"Um, I was, uh..." Even though Mike had a plan and he says he's privileged with a fast, deceiving mind, the question caught him off guard. Those are the only words he can come up with and he knows he's doomed, they're having this discussion, there's no way out.

She shifts position, he know she's uncomfortable but he also knows she won't give up on this, she's fierce.

"I'll tell you when- never" She continues on and Mike is hearing white noise, even if he tried to pay attention, his mind knows he's losing her, she's finally had enough of his lies, she's sick of it and she will make it hurt

"Okay, look, let me explain." He tries to save the situation, turning around to face her, maybe he'll talk some sense into her, maybe he can still save this one bit of his life which is like a spotlight in a dark stage.

"When I went to see Louis, he told me what really happened" He knows he shouldn't blame Louis as he came forward with the truth but he is the reason why this whole problem is blowing up right in his hands.

"I know. He told me too" He knew Louis being as he is would give an explanation to Rachel and truly this she deserves as it is them toying with her lifelong dream of becoming a lawyer on her own means and not her parent's.

.

"And I get it. I'm not good enough." He starts to feel the muscles in his neck tighten as he's heard that phrase one too many times, Rachel is good enough for anyone, she is more than just good enough, she's everything he wishes he could be, she is honest like he isn't. He just wishes she could see herself as he sees her

"What I don't get, Mike, is why you didn't have the courage to just come and tell me that yourself." At the right moment her lips form that sentence he starts to crumble, he wishes he could tell her all the truth, he desires that as much as he desired his parents weren't dead, that it was all just a sick joke someone was playing on him.

"Look, he lied to you." Yet he manages to stay on topic and continue on, trying to dizzy her

"I thought he deserved a chance to tell you himself, all right? When I went to his office to get him to sign the letter" Right after he hears the sound of what he just said he knows the last part of that sentence is what will drown his boat, he knows he shouldn't have asked Louis to sign the letter but in what twisted fantasy could he have signed the letter and…

"Wait" She says in a voice that makes him want to cry, he knows he's finally done it, has finally broken all the trust she had in him, he promised her he would sign the letter and that's another lie on top of the sundae of lies he's been making since two years ago.

"You went to him to sign the letter? You told me you were going to sign the letter". She says with spirit in her voice no more and Mike starts to feel sick, he's lost her, she's gone, there's no getting back from here.

"- No- - No, so you lied to me." Yet he hears her try and get an explanation, he knows it's coming, she's pissed.

"No, I didn't" He doesn't know who's making up these words because he fully knows he's lying to her, all this time.

.

"I told you that I would help you." It's as if there's a coward who won't let him show his true self, he wants to come clean but his mind is like a maze at this, a maze he can't solve.

"That is such bullshit! That's not what you meant, and you know it." He knows she's right, all her words hit him like a boxer, right where it hurts the most, just the thought of losing her completely is driving him insane.

"You've been cagey with me since the second I came to you about the letter, and you're being cagey with me right now." He's been cagey, he knows that, he truly regrets all his actions right in the spot.

"You are, you're lying to me." Right then and there he feels like he's about to explode, all her hits have hurt him, way more that he thought they would, those hits make his heart ache.

He tries to avoid that look on her eyes, that look full of anger and confrontation, he can't stand it.

"Not today, Rachel. Please, stop." All he can ask for now is some mercy, maybe she can stop being so hurtful to him, he knows he deserves it but damn why does it have to be today?

"Then what day, Mike? Because it's always something. It is always some secret or some story or some lie- -" He hears her breaths grow shorter, he knows she is reaching her most angry point, and yet his ache increases more and more with every second that passes, he's not angry at her, he's angry at himself for giving her so much bullshit.

"You don't understand- - " His voice starts to crack and he feels it, he can't go weak now.

.

"I don't understand what?" She asks as if it is any surprise, she knows how hurt he is, he's in the middle of his worst day, week, month, year, whatever. Time is relative now to how hurt he's felt

"You don't understand what I have been through! You don't understand what I have lost! Because it's everything, everyone that I love-" He remembers who he's talking to, and even if he's angry he needs to lower his voice, he may be angry but Rachel doesn't deserve this yelling, if anyone does it's him.

"Trevor, my grandmother, Harvey, now, probably this job! I am not ready to lose you. Not today!" He realizes now how many lies have drowned him and how much he deserves to lose her now, he doesn't deserve an award, he doesn't deserve her, he hasn't only been lying to them but also to himself, once upon a time he started to believe his own lies, he thought he deserved this life but the only part of him who does is his mind, it's the only reason they hired him in the first place.

"Then tell me." He hears her voice and recognizes like she's finally giving up on him, her voice cracks but she needs an explanation and she needs it now.

After what seems like an eternal time, his anger lowers. If there's anyway out of this is by finally telling the truth not just in a way like he wants to date her, more like in a way that if he doesn't say anything, she's finally putting an end to him.

"I never went to Harvard." He says in a soft yet strong voice and then he feels himself crumble inside, just like when she came to him to deliver the news of his grammy's passing, His bones feel weak, yet he feels relief.

"What?" She asks and by her voice he knows they're back in square one, she's still angry at him and he wasn't expecting forgiveness but at least a little mercy.

"I'm a fraud." He says and still he hopes for something else other than what happens next.

She slaps him and it feels like a shock through his body, he deserves it, she's gone, she's not forgiving him.

"Rachel, I" She doesn't let him finish his sentence because another slap comes faster than the last one, he feels again that hurt throughout his whole body,

"Rachel-" He tries one more time, maybe her anger is gone, maybe she can hear him say he's sorry. His reflexes alert him of another slap, he dodges her tiny palm and grabs her hand.

He feels her eyes penetrate into his soul, it's one of those moments that needs no words, she is saying to him she's done with the pain he constantly causes her, she lets go of his grip and tries to walk away.

His next move is purely moved by pure gut and feelings, exploding now inside of him like a cannon, he's not forcing her to stay but he tries for her to forgive him, he finally came clean and even if he's hurting, he needs her to know that as the lying wall came down, he's also ready to demonstrate her how he feels about her, he just hopes it works and she doesn't end up slapping him again.

As she turns around and tries to walk away, he grabs her hand, she gives him a look, just like they one they shared seconds before, one that need no words and she knows they're thinking the same thing.

She approaches him and he approaches her, they unite their lips, taking in short breaths that come out as little moans, they kiss not in a sweet, innocent way like all the other kisses they've shared but in way that feels like it's full of hatred, disdain, danger but it really isn't, that kiss is full of desperation, of months and months of waiting for this to happen, to be in the right place. It's full of walls between them coming down and they coming together and seeing the bigger picture. It's full of all those moments where they both felt lost and like they needed each other but couldn't get it together, it's full of all those moments where Rachel swore to herself she could turn off her feelings for him. It's full of all that flirting and tainting.

He pushes his body as so does her against each other, he pushes her body onto the shelf behind her, carried by the moment he worries he's being too strong but then she signals him that it's ok. Her hand not really knowing yet what's going on, tries to embrace only achieving to touch him in the ribs like a signal that says "Come closer to me".

He kisses her neck and every little spot he can, trying not to leave any place alone, they slow down for a bit and then they pick up right where they left in an interval of time which seems to last forever but it really is just milliseconds, she wants this to last forever, however she's also way too hot and bothered to care about anything but them. She turns around and he knows she wants him as much as he wants her, her hair is on the way but he doesn't care, he pulls down the zipper in her dress carefully trying not to tangle her hair in it. She turns once again and grabs his head, then pulls him in once more, she tries to get rid of her dress, pulling it down, revealing her green and black lace bra. Mike sees this and knows he's taking too long to undress himself, he takes her and she crosses her legs around him, he turns around to face the other shelf, again pressuring his body against hers, she untangles her legs and starts to undo his tie, her fingers fidgeting around the buttons, she's nervous and he is too but they want to do this now.

She puts her heel in the shelf and he understands what she means, he grabs Rachel's other leg and carries her once more

He tries to undo the buckle in his belt and it seems like this is the most difficult task they can put him up to right now, he keeps on aggressively kissing and she kisses his neck.

Each kiss they share is more desperate than the last one, more quick yet everlasting. Letting each other's tongues explore that unknown place they've been going crazy about for years now..

Not wanting to be a moment apart more, he enters her slowly and steady at the same time. They both open their eyes, glancing at each other and knowing nothing can go back to normal from now, she knows this is like that first kiss at the Pearson-Hardman library, she knew they wouldn't go back to normal and she didn't want them to. The look they share is all the permission they both need to keep going, Mike kisses her one more time and starts thrusting into her with fierceness and strongness, they reach a rhythm and even though they know this encounter won't last too long as they're in the office and basically breaking every single rule there is, right now there is no more than them finally breaking that wall and going for more


End file.
